why am i here?

I am not a good writer… I just kinda write like I talk…
Most people are pretty familiar with my long relationship with my ex and the ups and downs and the tears and the smiles and the rollercoaster of emotions I was on. We recently broke up and I have not dealt with it very well. I have hit an all time low. I have been told that I need to get it all out…tell people how I feel…express myself, etc, etc… Although so many of my friends are on FB, there are also others that I really don’t want knowing what is going on in my head. So this page is for my friends, whoever wanders across it and anyone who cares to listen to my chaotic days…where the battle between my heart and mind spill out into jumbled sentences on this “online diary” as I consider it. Everyone goes through painful stuff and I know that. I can’t seem to get myself back on track since he is gone. I try to add music on here, lyrics and speak to him about how I feel with out directly contacting him. I’ve been told the only way to get accept this is to stop contacting him. I admit I have done a lot of begging, texting, calling, emailing and lots of crying. I’m not ashamed. I feel crushed. I lost the person I considered my best friend, the person I loved with such a passion… a love that no one else understood.
He won’t talk to me. He wont answer me...He doesn’t seem sorry. He feels the things he did are justified by his fundamentals and principles. Since he and I can’t get anywhere in discussions because he cuts me off or the discussions just get too heated to be logical. I’ll talk to him through this and get everything out of my system so I can heal. I doubt he’ll ever read any of them but what can I do? I have to get better. I don’t get closure from him so I have to try to find it myself. The rollercoaster ride is over but I’m still strapped into the seat begging to go one more time.
I hope this blog helps me realize that the ride is over and the park is closed…its time to go home…and wait til a new ride opens up…