About Me
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
today
i slept in 1 hour increments. the dreams started again. i FUCKIN hate you today...so i guess im back to square one. starting over the healing process. im going to survive i got great people around me. things to look forward to. you are nothing. you chose to be evil and cruel. i am not that. i will never be that. your new girlfriend is a skanky bleached out blond slut. im just sayin
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
why am i here?
I am not a good writer… I just kinda write like I talk…
Most people are pretty familiar with my long relationship with my ex and the ups and downs and the tears and the smiles and the rollercoaster of emotions I was on. We recently broke up and I have not dealt with it very well. I have hit an all time low. I have been told that I need to get it all out…tell people how I feel…express myself, etc, etc… Although so many of my friends are on FB, there are also others that I really don’t want knowing what is going on in my head. So this page is for my friends, whoever wanders across it and anyone who cares to listen to my chaotic days…where the battle between my heart and mind spill out into jumbled sentences on this “online diary” as I consider it. Everyone goes through painful stuff and I know that. I can’t seem to get myself back on track since he is gone. I try to add music on here, lyrics and speak to him about how I feel with out directly contacting him. I’ve been told the only way to get accept this is to stop contacting him. I admit I have done a lot of begging, texting, calling, emailing and lots of crying. I’m not ashamed. I feel crushed. I lost the person I considered my best friend, the person I loved with such a passion… a love that no one else understood.
He won’t talk to me. He wont answer me...He doesn’t seem sorry. He feels the things he did are justified by his fundamentals and principles. Since he and I can’t get anywhere in discussions because he cuts me off or the discussions just get too heated to be logical. I’ll talk to him through this and get everything out of my system so I can heal. I doubt he’ll ever read any of them but what can I do? I have to get better. I don’t get closure from him so I have to try to find it myself. The rollercoaster ride is over but I’m still strapped into the seat begging to go one more time.
I hope this blog helps me realize that the ride is over and the park is closed…its time to go home…and wait til a new ride opens up…
Most people are pretty familiar with my long relationship with my ex and the ups and downs and the tears and the smiles and the rollercoaster of emotions I was on. We recently broke up and I have not dealt with it very well. I have hit an all time low. I have been told that I need to get it all out…tell people how I feel…express myself, etc, etc… Although so many of my friends are on FB, there are also others that I really don’t want knowing what is going on in my head. So this page is for my friends, whoever wanders across it and anyone who cares to listen to my chaotic days…where the battle between my heart and mind spill out into jumbled sentences on this “online diary” as I consider it. Everyone goes through painful stuff and I know that. I can’t seem to get myself back on track since he is gone. I try to add music on here, lyrics and speak to him about how I feel with out directly contacting him. I’ve been told the only way to get accept this is to stop contacting him. I admit I have done a lot of begging, texting, calling, emailing and lots of crying. I’m not ashamed. I feel crushed. I lost the person I considered my best friend, the person I loved with such a passion… a love that no one else understood.
He won’t talk to me. He wont answer me...He doesn’t seem sorry. He feels the things he did are justified by his fundamentals and principles. Since he and I can’t get anywhere in discussions because he cuts me off or the discussions just get too heated to be logical. I’ll talk to him through this and get everything out of my system so I can heal. I doubt he’ll ever read any of them but what can I do? I have to get better. I don’t get closure from him so I have to try to find it myself. The rollercoaster ride is over but I’m still strapped into the seat begging to go one more time.
I hope this blog helps me realize that the ride is over and the park is closed…its time to go home…and wait til a new ride opens up…
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
in my dreams
you told me you wanted me out of your life. but you keep haunting my dreams. i see you all over me in my head...you fulfill my fantasies in my head.....
you didnt ask permission to enter. i wish you would stop
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
My body aches,
Tryin to go back in time but there's no way
I close my eyes,
But when I do all I'm seeing is his face
It's hard to breathe
Kinda feel like the walls are closing in
Was just a touch,
So tell me why I still feel him on my skin
And if you see him...
Tell him I love him, tell him I love him,
Tell him I love him say,
He Left me to die, at the Scene of the Crime
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my face
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
This body heat,
Sending a fire burning on the floor
Got close enough,
To give me a fever never felt before,
I close my eyes,
Imagine him taking anything he wants,
So criminal,
Though it's magic how he disappeared, he's gone
If anybody sees him...
He Left me to die, at the Scene of the Crime
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my face
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
At the scene of the crime!
Yeah He did! Oh-Oh!
He left me to die at the scene of the crime!
Tell him I love him, tell him I love him,
Tell him I love him say
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my eyes
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
At the scene of the crime!
Can't believe I let it happen tonight
I let him take it right in front of my eyes,
Stole my heart that controlled our lives
Then he left me to die at the Scene of the crime
At the Scene of the Crime.. The Scene of the Crime!
Tryin to go back in time but there's no way
I close my eyes,
But when I do all I'm seeing is his face
It's hard to breathe
Kinda feel like the walls are closing in
Was just a touch,
So tell me why I still feel him on my skin
And if you see him...
Tell him I love him, tell him I love him,
Tell him I love him say,
He Left me to die, at the Scene of the Crime
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my face
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
This body heat,
Sending a fire burning on the floor
Got close enough,
To give me a fever never felt before,
I close my eyes,
Imagine him taking anything he wants,
So criminal,
Though it's magic how he disappeared, he's gone
If anybody sees him...
He Left me to die, at the Scene of the Crime
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my face
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
At the scene of the crime!
Yeah He did! Oh-Oh!
He left me to die at the scene of the crime!
Tell him I love him, tell him I love him,
Tell him I love him say
Can't believe I let it happen this way
I had it planned right in front of my eyes
Stole my heart then he walked away
And he left me to die at the Scene of the crime..
At the scene of the crime!
Can't believe I let it happen tonight
I let him take it right in front of my eyes,
Stole my heart that controlled our lives
Then he left me to die at the Scene of the crime
At the Scene of the Crime.. The Scene of the Crime!
your love...lyrics
Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep
I've got a sick obsession, I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls
Im staying up all night hoping, Hit my head against the walls
What you've got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I'm all strung up my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
Won't listen to any advice, mamma's telling me to think twice
But left to my own devices i'm addicted its a crisis!
My friends think I've gone crazy, my judgment is getting kinda hazy
My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crackhead
What you've got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I'm all strung up my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you are away
So I got a question;
Do you want to have a summer party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like a native drum?
Is my love, your drug?
(huh) Your drug? (huh) your drug? (huh) your drug?
Is my love, your drug?
I've got a sick obsession, I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls
Im staying up all night hoping, Hit my head against the walls
What you've got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I'm all strung up my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
Won't listen to any advice, mamma's telling me to think twice
But left to my own devices i'm addicted its a crisis!
My friends think I've gone crazy, my judgment is getting kinda hazy
My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crackhead
What you've got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I'm all strung up my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you are away
So I got a question;
Do you want to have a summer party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like a native drum?
Is my love, your drug?
(huh) Your drug? (huh) your drug? (huh) your drug?
Is my love, your drug?
the kill
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.
Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.
Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me
i...
cant breathe. i remember the nite. replays in my head over and over. so empty. im out of words. its done. its over. nothing left but lingering pain. he took my heart with him. im hollow.
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